margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
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You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
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I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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