My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
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I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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