Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
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Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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