they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize