just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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