Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
How's work?
Spinning.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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