look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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