Ketchup is God's man juice
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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