Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
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i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
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I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
that is very illegal...i love you.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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