I got her a Nickelback box set.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize