Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I intend to get homeless drunk
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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