i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
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Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
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After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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