It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
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i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
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I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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