I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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