Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
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You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize