Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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