My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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