Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
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I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
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I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Pooping to opera.
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