i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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