i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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