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So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
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