i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize