You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
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My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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