You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
how drunk are you?
Several
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize