We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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