I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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