Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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