so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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