Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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