So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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