my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize