shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize