I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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