everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
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wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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