she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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