How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
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Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
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I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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