How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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