I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
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when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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