there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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