I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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