so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize