i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize