He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
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She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
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We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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