We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
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Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
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Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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