Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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