I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
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I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
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I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize