I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize