Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize