The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
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He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
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As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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