How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize